What happened to me? I grew up in the 80’s-90’s, I played my fair share of “my hex beat up your hex” strategy games. Games where we had to imagine most of how things work and games that most players probably never understood fully. These were almost absurdly complex games and games built then and called “casual” (like, say, Panzer or Fantasy General) would be considered complex now. I loved Civilization 2 so much I was able to beat it 10 times out of 10 on Deity level (note this doesn’t imply brilliance so much as learning everything enough to exploit the hell out of the Howitzer). My point is, I never shrank from reviewing a strategy game. Has growing older made me stupid? Having kids maybe? Or is it having less freetime? I just downloaded Napoleon Total War and boy is my brain tired.

Lets get this out of the way, if you have a kid OF ANY AGE who can wrap their heads around 1790 era French politics, geography, diplomacy, warfare – land and sea, etc., then this game is rated Kids-Adults. Any other rating is stupid. Soldiers die here, but not offensively. The game looks like a shiny diorama – as gorgeous as any painstakingly painted set of miniatures – only it moves and the tactics are valid and interesting.  This game is brain food for any child or adult who can handle it.  It’s what I dreamed about when I was a kid. Got that?  Most kids should wait until 11-12 just because this is College-grade historical material. Is the game educational? You bet.

So it’s good for you and nurtricious, only without a bad aftertaste.

The reviews were good – 7-9 on average, with one obvious “look at me!” exception from GameSpy at 40%, and what I found was a very gorgeous, very solid and deep strategy game. Even if Mr. 40% is right on all the problems I haven’t encountered, I think that score isn’t merited. In other words? Good job guys at Creative Assembly.

So why can’t I play it?

There’s too much!  What’s wrong with me? I played and conquered all the games on the Total War series up to Rome. I’ve played Civ4 to death in the interim. I am not a lightweight and you know what? This is not a lightweight game. They haven’t compromised, I have. Why? It’s pretty and cool, but the politics ruin it for me. I just don’t care about tax rates or building stuff. I just want to conquer. Maybe I should have seen this coming. My favorite strategy game EVER is also one of the simplest, Sid Meier’s Gettysburg is it. (I know there was a Napoleon total conversion for that – I want something shiny and new.)

What’s wrong with me? Nothing. What I want has changed, they haven’t. So here’s a call to Firaxis or some other intrepid group. Note the real time tactics from Sid Meier’s old game. Note the compromises they make. Note that I’m a GENERAL or GENERALS, not a book-keeper or logistics person type guy. Don’t stop making games like this one. It’s an achievement and 40% showboaters aside, it’s a very good game. But remember, there are strategy lite wargame fans too. And for anyone thinking I can just switch to another game, I can’t.  I love their battle system. Love it. Oh, and to be fair, the tutorials are well made and complete. I’m the problem, I admit that.

Now, there is a way to JUST control the battles. This is for multiplayer but it works single player too and it lets you unlock real-world battles as you go. The tactis are very solid and the game is beautiful, the carnage is extreme (no blood) and the battles are epic but… once again, am I too jaded? Played too many of these games? I know they’re aimed at old people.. I’m an old person. But for some reason I’d rather kill Olympians with extreme prejudice, scale cliffs in Uncharted 2 while shooting (mostly) brown people, trying out the Resident Evil 5 add-ons or playing a simple iPhone game. Will I even want Civilization 5 (yes)? Ah well, let someone else be Emperor. The game looks great!

Tags: Game Reviews